Kale Sucks. I know some people feel differently, but I am not the worlds biggest fan of most green vegetables, and I think kale is one of the grossest. It seems like more of a garnish than anything edible to me usually.
however, desperate times call for desperate measures.
I LOVE snacking. I love it. I know it's terrible for your weight, it adds nothing useful to your life, it's just consuming calories for no reason at all, but I love it. watching tv is like 800x more boring without it, and I like watching tv. so lately, with the 4 hour body, i've been eating a few carrots or some celery, or some assorted other crap that is mostly not delicious or salty or feels anything like a snack.
someone suggested kale chips, so here we are. I made these.. pretty unhealthy. about as unhealthy as you can make kale, short of soaking it in MSG (which would be delicious.) ..also garlicky as all hell because I love garlic. you can substitute another spice, I'll think of some and write them at the bottom.**
okay, so buy some kale, wash it, dry it, and remove the leafy bits from the thick stems in the middle. throw out the stems or eat them or something, but we're not using them here. this is calgary, so I can only find one kind of kale. green. there are other kinds, I've heard the red is good for this too.
preheat your oven to 350F.
chop or tear the kale up into bite size pieces. if you're using the whole bunch, i'd put about 2 tablespoons or so of olive oil (again, I used garlic infused here because I have it and it's amazing) into a bowl, and add some salt/pepper, or for me, I added a whole wack of garlic salt. because I had already planned to sit around and watch tv and eat chips for my evening activity, so I was just making that possible for myself while staying on the diet. no need to not gross out everyone with my garlic breath, I live alone.
put the kale in the bowl and mix it around until it's all coated by the oil and seasonings. if you're extra healthy here or are trying to lose more weight, they make oil spritzers that would probably do a good job of getting less oil onto the kale. or you could use pam, but I think pam is disgusting, so your call.
once you've got greasy kale, spread it out on a parchment paper covered baking sheet (or two. don't overlap, and this makes waaay less than it looks like before it's baked.)
put it into the oven and bake for around 10-15 minutes, and stay in the kitchen and watch this, because it's a fine line. kale tastes even worse when it's overcooked. so you want to cook it until it's brown around the edges just smidge, but not burning. you may need to turn your cookie sheet around or something if your oven has hot spots.
pull it out of the oven when it's ready. give it a second and poke it to see if it's crisp. if it seems limp instead of crisp, put it back in for another minute or so, it should crisp up, unless you don't know what kale is and bought the wrong thing. ;)
when it's crispy but not burnt, take it out of the oven, let it cool, (this takes like 2 minutes.) and then throw it all into a bowl and take it with you to watch tv. they're okay. they're not even close to potato chips, but they are 100x more delicious than celery, and if I was in danger of falling off the wagon for some greasy salty snacks, they'd do the trick.
I've personally embraced wine drinking with a vengeance on this diet*. it seems to curb the cravings for a lot of things for me, since I don't generally really like red wine and food together.
*I always drink red wine. I've just been drinking about a glass a night now instead of a glass every 2 or 3 nights lately. it's a small indulgence, and one that tim allows in the book, and really does ease the diet for me.
**non-garlic options.
-salt and pepper
-srichiha
-wasabi (that would be great. use sesame oil instead of olive and wasabi. yum.)
-curry
-nutritional yeast? I'm not sure if that's allowed on the diet, I think it's disgusting anyways but some people love it.
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